1:42 p.m. August 20th

So I have had to change my additude a lot lately.. I pray that it stays, because I have found that a positive aadditude is the only way that will help you be on top rn everything and stay positive!
Yes ofcourse I am still hurt, and I still am upset, but I have finally figured out I think how to turn everything over to the Lord. I can't babysit brandon anymore, this whole shinannagan is out of my control, and it's only up to him to decide if he wants to have a good life! I have been really trying to study my 12 step book, and do and follow what they suggest. Brandon hasn' t, an dhe says "Well I just don't like to read, and it's just not me to do these kind of things." Well Brandon look at where you have gotten yourself maybe because you haven't taken the time to do things right.
I just watched a show called 17 again. Zack Effron is VERY hot I have to say. It's about Matthew Perry who has lost his wife and kids because of selfish thoughts and acts that he has or hasn't done. He finds himself in a position to say that he wishes he could go back to high school and do everything over again. His wish comes true, and he turns into the same lookin kid he used to look like.. He figures that he can try to relive his high school years all over agian.. Well to make a long movie short, he realizes by helping his kids get through high school and by seeing what he is missing in his life, that he needs to change and remember whats important to him, and thats his wife and kids. I teared up at the end, no suprise, but I did because I only wish that that could be Brandon! But sadly to say, I dont think that will ever be him! he has to much pride and to many issues that require putting 3,000 percent of effort into things, and so far he is only putting 1,500 percent. I figure that I have to do everything possible to make this right for myself, and for my kids. I have to do everything possible to get us where we need to be, and if Brandon doesn't stay up with us, well than I guess he has made the decision for us.